Chosenness

We've been talking in Torah study about the concept of the Jews being God's chosen people and the way in which that tends to not sit so well with many Reform Jews.

Our cantor brought us this midrash from Parashat Hashavua:

Other rabbinic commentators, however, define the relationship [between God and the Israelites] as one of mutual desperation. God and Israel treasure each other and love each other because they cannot do otherwise. These interpreters argue that at precisely the time Israel is wandering in the wilderness, God is searching for a people to accept the Torah. Each of the great nations of the world is asked if it will take the Torah, and each refuses, saying that the Torah's teachings are not suitable or compatible with its beliefs and culture. Finally, say these rabbis, God sees the tattered and desperate Israelites making their way across the wilderness. Lifting Mount Sinai over their heads, God asks threateningly, "Will you accept my Torah or be buried by this mountain?" Seeing that they have no choice if they wish to live, the Israelites respond: "It is a tree of life to all who grasp it. . ." (Proverbs 3:18)

For these rabbis, the Israelites choose life by choosing the Torah. It is a desperate choice of a desperate people singled out by a desperate God. God requires an am s'gulah, a "treasured people", not for special favors, but for a special burden. They are to be responsible for carrying the Torah and its commandments into the world. The survival of the world and all within it depends upon the truths of Torah and the loyalty of those who carry out its ethical and ritual commandments. Israel is beloved by God when it chooses to be God's partner and when it lives by Torah. To the extent that they "choose" to live by the commandments they guarantee their survival. (Midrash B'midbar Rabbah 14.10; Talmud Avodah Zarah 2b-3a)

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Perhaps one thing that's holding me back is that, besides being uncomfortable with the Jews being considered a "chosen people" and the knowledge of the problems that has historically caused, I'm still not sure that about the idea of opting in to a chosen people. Of course, I know converts are considered as Jewish as any other Jew (and here I will not get into the differences between movements on the subject), but I do vacillate between "if I were supposed to be Jewish, wouldn't I have been born that way" and "I know born Jews who have never been to a synagogue and who eat bacon cheeseburgers when they're off work on Saturday, which is all fine, hooray for free will, but why are they Jewish and I, who have been studying and attending services and observing most of the festivals (we still ain't made up our minds about Shavuot) not?"

(Yes, I know it's because I haven't been to the mikveh. That's not the point right now.)